As previously stated, I am a single almost 36 year old and I've never been married. My last serious relationship was in 2008. I have not gone on a single date since then. I have been interested in a few guys since and they were all wrong for me. I am not on any dating sites or apps. I am rarely in a position where I even meet single dudes my age. On the rare occasion I do, they aren't believers. The church I attend now has the median age of 75, so there's that.
I can sense that people feel uncomfortable when they find out I am single at my age. I think they want to pat me on my head and say bless your heart. People just don't know what to say or how to feel. Simply, I just don't fit into the box they desperately need me to fit in. Sometimes I briefly panic about being single at my age, but the moment always passes. I only panic because society has tried to make me feel like I am supposed to be married. I am also supposed to be independent, thin, humble, quiet, endlessly kind, precious, positive, not too tall, sexy but not too sexy, and always available. I am very few of those things.
I am attractive enough. I could lose about 40 lbs. I am outspoken- like in a "I-cant-believe-she-said-that kind of way." I am loyal. I try to be kind even when it is hard for me. I value truth above all else. I tend to be more lazy than active. I desperately want to live a life of love where people can see the light of Christ shining through me, and I know I fail a lot. I am passionate to a fault. I am always in a hurry even when I don't have anywhere to be. I am all of these things, but most days I am comfortable with who I am. I think that's is what is upsetting to people. I walk with my head held high and yet I'm unmarried at 35 years old. I can hear society chanting quietly, "Please be sad about your life. You are not enough."
I know that I am not alone because I could quickly name 10 girlfriends who are in the same boat as me. The fabulously single boat. A boat full of women who love Jesus and life. We simply never meet men who we are interested in dating. That's not to say that we are too picky. I can't speak for all of my single friends, but I would say that our standards aren't ridiculous.
Here's the thing. I really am more than okay with being single. There is so much freedom in being single. I think being married + having children is a-ok, but being single is pretty sweet. I think people want me to feel like something is missing and they say things like " oh you'll find someone someday" or they are shocked that a gal like me hasn't been snatched up yet- as if men are beating down my door. One time I told one of my patients, who persisted a little too long about the state of my martial status, that I wasn't married because I had a terrible personality. I mean really... what does she want me to say?! Yes, I'm not atrocious looking. I have a good job. I seem to have all of the qualities of a marryable person, but here I am, still single. How can it be?
This is what I want to say to people: I am single because you haven't raised a generation of Christian gentleman. Instead you have raised boys that go to church occasionally and sleep with women in their bible studies and can't commit. They don't study the bible. They don't commit. They are wimpy, really. When they do come to church, they are often hungover or they go because in the South that's simply what you do on Sundays. Maybe that's not fair. Maybe I am single and it is all my fault. The reality of the situation is that I am single because God has not called to be married at this time or maybe ever, and that's ok. I don't think anyone has died from singleness.
So to all of you single ladies out there- I love you. I feel you. I pray you are happily single like me and that you aren't putting your life on hold waiting for that special someone. Because life aint too shabby on this side of the relationship status.
XOXO
Casey
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